Meaning of Communication from an NLP perspective

We communicate even when we think we are not communicating

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0.0 Introduction
0.13 It’s impossible to NOT communicate
0.40 Adjusting behaviour elicits different responses from people
1.0 Internal self-communication
1.35 Gaining control
1.50 The meaning of communication (to the other party) is seen in the response you get
2.40 The choice – victimise or self adjust

Communications are a crucially important part of every day life, and every day business. Hi, I’m Alan Patching with another tip from the world of NLP.

You know, it’s impossible not to communicate, or to not communicate – which ever way you look at it.

Just imagine you’re sitting there being completely silent – that’s communicating a message to those around you. The message could be that you’re withdrawn, the message could be that you’re insulted. The message could be you’re not interested. The message could be that you don’t like this or that.

We can’t place any controls on the way people interpret what they experience. All we can do is adjust our behaviour to get the response we want from other people by appealing to their motivational systems in a different way from what we currently are using, if we are not getting what we want.

So, for sure, no matter what we are doing we are communicating even if we don’t think we are and, in fact, sometimes when you think you are being quiet, reserved and withdrawn and spending a bit of reflecting time, notice how much internal chatter is going on, notice how much internal communication is going on and the question to ask ourselves about that, is, ‘is this the sort of communication we like ourselves to hear? Is it positive and uplifting and making us feel better? Or do we have internal chatter that’s a little bit down putting and criticising ourself and others, producing chemicals in our body that make us feel worse?’

You see the reality is we either have to take control of the thoughts we have or put up with the effect those thoughts have in terms of our feelings and even our behaviours. It’s so important to be in charge of your thoughts.

Just one other point on communication In NLP we say the meaning of any communication is the response you get, so if you go up and ask how a friend’s son or daughter is going in an examination sequence and the people get a little bit upset because perhaps their kid’s not going as well as they expected and they regard you as intrusive, you could either blame them for being overly sensitive or accuse them of being unfriendly. But a far better approach, according to NLP, would be to just accept that the meaning of the communication to those people was something to cause them to be sensitive and the response told us that they were sensitive so the truly sensible people who use the NLP principle say “Ah, the way I communicated just then caused that response so I need to change the way I communicate to get a different response from the person with whom I am communicating.”

It’s really easy to sit there pointing the finger and blaming other people for situations but when we do that we simply become victims to the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s far better to be in control of your own life and your circumstances and NLP gives you exactly the tools to do that.

So, in future, whatever feed back you get from communication, that’s the meaning, that’s the intent it had, and if the intent is not what you wanted that’s not a matter to be blaming other people for, that’s just a sign to us … a feed back signal. Not that we failed in our communication but rather we need to change the style of it to get the result we seek and to build our relationships with people.

I look forward to seeing you on another post regarding NLP tips for life and business.

Thanks for listening.

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